Time is certainly an interesting thing. There’s only so much of it in a day, a week, and even a lifetime. As I get older, I realize that time isn’t so infinite and that I won’t live forever.
One thing I find particularly interesting about the show Shark Tank is that quite often time is more of a concern than money when the sharks consider investing. Although investing an amount of money like $200,000 is a lot to the average person, it’s more or less pocket change to billionaires. Now that doesn’t mean they’ll foolishly invest money since they’re loaded, but if they were to invest $200,000 and the company were to go “tits up,” they could easily make that $200,000 back again. They can’t make more time in the day with their already busy schedules to educate the entrepreneurs and scale the business.
Anyhow, I could have easily gone in all sorts of directions with this article but decided to solely focus on time in regards to dating.
Time in regards to dating is something I never consciously thought about until a friend mentioned it to me one day last summer while we were out golfing. I was texting a girl back and forth during the round and he said, “Man, dating takes up so much time. I don’t know why you even bother.” Although it’s fairly obvious that dating takes up a lot of time, I never really gave it much thought until then.
From the above, I decided to pick online dating as an example and discuss the time that is involved with it. For one, you will need to setup your profile. This means you will need to select pictures that accurately reflect you and display your strong features. This also means you will need to do a small write up. After your profile is set up you will then need to message some women (or swipe right if you’re using Tinder). As nice as it would be if every woman messaged you back/swiped right for you, unfortunately, this will not be the case so you will need to message/swipe for several women. So after you send out some messages/swipe for some women you will then hopefully get some replies/matches. After that, you will then need to start some conversations. Some women will reply back to the first few messages and then die off. Some women may even agree to meet up for a date and then flake last minute. Also, just because you get her out on a date, it doesn’t mean you’re “in the clear.” You’re bound to have some bad dates and then you’re right back to the drawing board again. Now obviously things won’t always go like that, but if you’re having bad luck the whole process can eat up a good chunk of time. Also, keep in mind that even the best looking guys will only get a certain % of women out on dates.
Now although it did take me some time to figure out the online thingy, it was basically through trial and error over a period of about a year. I didn’t actually set a specific amount of time aside for it. I would just try some things out here and there when I had a little free time and learned from my failures/successes. That being said, I can think of a particular time where I spent a good portion of my free time pursuing women. There was a period of about 3ish-4 months that I spent a lot of time “daytime cold approaching.” Looking back it does seem a bit weird now, but I don’t actually regret it. Yes, as I stated, it works, but it’s also very time consuming and you’ll have WAY more failures than successes. Like online dating, even the best looking guys will only get a certain % of women out on dates.
Another period I spent a lot of time on women was in the summer of 2014. I strategically planned my summer vacation and only worked a total of 2 weeks between the months of July and August. Although I did enjoy golfing and going to the beach a lot that summer, I also made women a fairly high priority. At this point I no longer set aside time to “cold approach,” but would still approach a lot of women during my day to day activities. Also, I was using Tinder a LOT that summer and my Tinder was off the hook! I think there’s something different about the algorithim now and the fact they created Tinder Plus, but back then it worked like charm. Also, keep in mind that it’s more popular now so there’s women for you to swipe through and also more men for women to swipe through. Anyways, seeing as I had a lot of interested women, I needed the time to meet them all. Seeing as I had a lot of free time, I could basically be available at the drop of a hat.
So keep in mind that you will need some free time to meet women. Some guys may actually be the type of guy women would love to meet but they don’t have time to meet them. Depending on where you are in life, you may be limited on free time. Some guys that are busy may think, “Well, I’ll just get a girlfriend since I don’t have time to casually date.” While you won’t be out pursuing women anymore, you will still need time for the relationship. Although my friend was right that it takes a lot of time to go on dates and such, relationships also take a lot of time. Seeing as I’m in a relationship now, I am not complaining about this, but it’s something you may have never considered before. You will need to communicate with her through texts and phone calls. Also, this means will mean you need to spend time together in person watching movies, eating out, trying out new activities together, visiting family and friends, weekends away, and vacations. If you’re really busy, you may find it hard to put in the time that’s needed for the relationship to grow.
As with time comes change. Over time, one person may evolve and the other does not. This why a lot of relationships end. People go in separate directions. Also, over time, one person may see a side of their partner they didn’t see early on and decide to move on because of it.
Another thing with time is that your goals with women may change over time. Guys in their early 20’s may be trying to hookup with as many women as possible. As they get older, however, they may lean more towards a serious relationship and possibly even marriage.
Not only can you as a guy change over time, so can women. This is why I encourage guys to get women out on a first date AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! Playing really hard to get with an interested woman is something I never really understood about the whole “bad boy” thingy. Although it can be somewhat attractive to be unavailale from time to time as it shows you have a life, assuming you have friends, hobbies, and a job, there will be times when you’re not available anyways. Don’t purposely cancel a date because of some dumb blog post you read by a phony “alpha male.” Women can vary not only from day to day, but hour to hour. If you try and disguise your interest too much, women will usually be confused and possibly even move on to another guy. Don’t think for a minute that you’re not replaceable.
Although there’s no way to eliminate the time that is required for dating, you can certainly do so in a more effective manner. The ideal situation is where you can “kill two birds with one stone,” so to speak. An example that comes to mind is crossfit. A girl I was dating last year begged me to try it. Although I prefer to lift weights in the gym, I tried it out one day. Something I noticed about it almost instantly is the fact the members are like a close knit family. They go to competitions together, often go out to eat, and dating amongst themselves seemed quite common. This is good as you can get in shape, could possibly meet a woman who shares fitness as an interest with you, and it could expand your social circle as well. How could it get any better than that?
If you spend too much time chasing women, it’s time that could have been spent pursuing your hobbies and making money/advancing with your career.
Just some food for thought for guys who never really thought much about time in regards to dating.