Today I wanted to go over the “bad boy.”
This “bad bad thing” seems to have spiraled out of control as of late.
Here is a text conversation I had with a girl I met on Tinder while in Montreal earlier this spring.
I’ll let you read the texts and then go into further detail below. I am in the blue and she is in the yellow.
Seeing as this girl said “morning to my first white man,” as you likely could have guessed, she was not white. She was a gorgeous, light skinned black girl, 22 years old, close to 6 feet tall, athletic build, had some of the nicest teeth I have ever seen, cute dimples, strong French accent/had somewhat of a difficult time speaking English, very stylish, and a very nice girl in general.
When she said “many cardio sessions yesterday,” as many of you also could have guessed, she was not referring to us doing “sprints” at the local YMCA on the treadmill. Also, when she said “sexy surprise,” the surprise was her dressing up like a stripper that night. ( a couple more “cardio sessions” were included as well :P)
One thing that probably stood out to a lot of guys was her saying, “U are one of the nicest person I ever met.”
Wait a sec, back everything up, right?
She said I was nice, but we still did “many cardio sessions,” and she dressed up like a stripper for me? Ummm…say what?
There’s 3 main characteristics/qualities of the “bad boy” that I wanted to dive into a bit further :
- Avoid being the “nice guy” as it leads to the “friendzone”
- Being really hard to get/unpredictable
Avoid being the “nice guy” as it leads to the “friendzone”
Unfortunately, guys with little dating experience that take the manosphere dating advice as the “gospel” will avoid actually being a “nice guy” as it’s deemed a “beta” trait.
Let’s take that girl I met in Montreal for example. She said I was a nice guy. And, I was. I was polite to her, I held open doors, I treated those around me well, and I complimented her a couple times. When women say they don’t like “nice guys,” they’re talking about guys who are weak/passive, indecisive, have no opinion on anything, and no backbone whatsoever. I think a lot of guys get REALLY mixed up over this “nice guy” thing.
For example, let’s say you get a dated lined up with Kelly. You met Kelly at the gym. Kelly is a gorgeous and seems really nice as well. She looks amazing in those yoga pants as it is and you could only imagine how great she’d look all dolled up when you meet her for a drink downtown later that week.
Anyhow, it’s finally the night of the date and Kelly looks even better than you would have ever imagined. She’s gorgeous! That skirt she’s wearing looks so sexy and she appears to have applied her makeup flawlessly. She practically has you salivating. You’d compliment her but you read manosphere sites and know that only “pussies” compliment women. You’re a “bad boy” and an “alpha dog.”
The fact that you don’t compliment her is most likely VERY confusing for her. If you met her at the gym, chances are you weren’t that flirty to begin with. She probably doesn’t know you that well either and since you don’t appear to be showing any sings of interest, she may be wondering if you’re romantically interested in her, or if you just want to be “gym buddies.”
Also, the fact you don’t compliment her is likely quite insulting to her. I GUARANTEE you that she spent MINIMUM an hour getting ready for that first date. You don’t have to go crazy with the compliments, but I PROMISE you that she WON”T put you in the “friendzone” for telling her that she looks gorgeous.
By not wanting to be a “nice guy” or a “beta,” you can actually NOT do a lot of things that woman actually like a lot. You don’t hold her hand while going for a walk, and/or you don’t go for a kiss at the end of a date that went well.
I’m quite sure if we were to see some these “bad boys” in action we’d all have a good laugh. In fact, I bet a lot of the “bad boys,” are in fact, HUGE “pussies” in real life. I would bet that these guys couldn’t even approach a really good looking woman in person, compliment her, and try and get her number. They’d probably try and justify not doing so by telling you they’re too “alpha” to do such a “beta” thing.
One of the main reasons a lot of relationships end is because the woman’s emotional needs are not being met. Sometimes the smallest of things can mean the most. Let’s say a girl you’re seeing/your girlfriend has something big coming up. Perhaps she’s in college/university and has a big final/exam that day? Perhaps she has a big meeting at work? Perhaps she’s going for an interview that morning? There is NOTHING wrong with dropping a text that says something like, “Hey gorgeous. Good luck with that interview this morning. You’ll do fine.”
Also, try out this “bad boy” thingy around a quality woman and see what happens. For example, take a sexy, mature, young professional who’s single and wants to meet a great guy. See how long this “bad boy” crap lasts where you’re basically an asshole to everyone you meet. In fact, I think most guys will find the women that get drawn into this “bad boy” foolishness are either really immature, have low self-esteem, or have serious mental issues. Either way, most likely not the kind of women you want to be with.
Now I am not encouraging guys to tolerate poor behavior from women and be a door mat for them, but there is NOTHING wrong with showing romantic interest in a woman/being nice…..to an extent. (I will cover this more in depth in an upcoming post)
Being really hard to get/unpredictable
Now this is one quality of the bad boy that is actually somewhat attractive to women. You’re not always available, and don’t always return her calls/texts at the drop of a hat. However, this is really only attractive to women if you actually ARE unavailable because you’re busy with real life stuff.
I don’t always return a woman’s text right away. When I don’t return a them right away it’s not because I’m purposely playing hard to get, it’s because I am busy. For example, I always shut the ringer off on my phone when I go to bed at night and sometimes forget to turn it back on the next day. Sometimes I’ll be working on a blog post for a couple hours and not notice a text. Also, when I go to the gym, I do not take my phone with me ,and sometimes I leave it in the car while golfing.
Guys that are working full time, and have other hobbies/interests will find that they’re just not available all the time. I work full-time, I enjoy working on this blog, I like golfing, I like going to the gym, and I like watching sports. I am not always available.
I’ve read “advice” before that encouraged guys to cancel a date last minute as it “drives her wild.” You give off the “bad boy” vibe supposedly since you’re so hard to get, unpredictable, and she is just an “afterthought.”
This is quite possibly one of the dumbest things you can do!
For example, let’s say you have a date lined up with Sarah on Wednesday night at 8pm. You send her a text around noon saying, “Hey. Hope the day is going good for you. I’ll see you tonight at (insert location) at 8. She replies, “Looking forward to it ;) Hope your day is going good as well.” She’s free, you’re free, and she confirms to meet up that night. You’re excited to meet her and the feeling appears to be mutual. Why the @#$% would anyone with any modicum of common sense decide to cancel the date? There’s 2 reasons why this beyond foolish:
- If you actually like her and want to meet her…..go @$%^ing meet her! You’re going to cancel the date to try and look cool but in reality you’ll just be sitting at home wishing you were on a date with her instead?
- Assuming you actually are busy, there will be times when you are not available anyways. And….there will be times that she’s not available as well. This is actually a really great way to screw things up early on in a relationship. Since you decided to cancel for no apparent reason other than to try and look “elusive,” her schedule is now a little busier for the next couple weeks. Now neither one of you can meet again for a couple weeks and things quickly cool off. Women can be unpredictable from week to week. Get in there while the iron is hot.
Being confident around women is a VERY attractive, whereas cockiness is not.
Cockiness tends to be a sign of insecurity and you’re more or less trying to compensate for something you’re lacking. Women can generally see right through this.
Guys that are sure of themselves tend to very modest. There’s no reason for them to boast and brag as their actions do the real talking for them. It’s attractive to women when you are comfortable in your own skin. You’re not a “try hard” trying to only say cool things. You’re just “being yourself” and are very relaxed. Having an opinion on things is very attractive as well as opposed to being a guy who just agrees with everything she says in fear of “offending” her.
So as you can see, there’s very little truth to the whole “bad boy” thingy. Don’t be this guy….