When it comes to meeting women, most guys think of social circles as the “go to” option.
And, why wouldn’t they?
The reality of things is that most people meet through social circles.
When I speak of social circles, in this post and in the future (unless otherwise stated), I am not only referring to your immediate group of friends but also your co-workers, classmates, and women you meet in shared common activities/interests (gym, church, dance class, etc.).
Now, although social circles are a great way to meet women, there’s certainly no shortage of drawbacks to them either. So, in this article I will discuss both the pros and cons of them.
Makes her feel more at ease
Let’s get real here, if a woman is uncomfortable around you, you’re likely not going to get very far (if anywhere) with her. As a man (especially a stranger), you could pose a lot of potential danger to her. If she knows even the slightest about you, she’ll probably feel more comfortable around you as opposed to a random stranger. In other words, you’re a “known face.” Also, if you happen to be nice and helpful to others, sometimes as a favor, they will hook you up with a cute, single, female they know. This is great for you as the woman you were set up with will generally feel more comfortable around you since someone has already “vouched” for you and she knows they had her best interest in mind.
Great for guys who aren’t “elite” in looks
Look, I’ve said it many times before and will continue to say it….. LOOKS MATTER A LOT!
Even with some self-improvements, some guys will never be “elite” in looks as opposed to those who are”genetically gifted.” In other words, even if you work your ass off, it’s likely going to take you a few more tries to get the woman you want as opposed to 6’3 “Brett” who has perfect hair, a chiseled jawline, flawless teeth, and is shredded to the bone. If you don’t look like Sean O’Pry in the pic below, don’t worry about it too much. 98% of the male population doesn’t look like this either.
Anyways, back to the point. If you happened to miss out on some of the major traits that make a man physically attractive, a social circle could help her see past areas you missed out on if you share something in common with her. It can give you some time to show her great qualities you have going for yourself aside from your looks.
You know a bit about her beforehand
Even though I’m a big fan of cold approach and online dating, one downside to both is that you often know very little about the woman beforehand. Even after you meet her, it can take a while to get to know the “real her.” There’s no denying that most men obsess over a woman’s looks too much. Yeah, I know, looks matter a LOT for men as well and you shouldn’t bother approaching women you’re not attracted to, but if you plan on being with her for more than the night (or a couple nights) you should consider other qualities about her aside from her looks and “weed out” women who have lousy qualities. This is especially true if you want a girlfriend. For example, if you knew “Kate” from work spent her spare time playing the game of “puff, puff, pass” with the bong, had a 4 year old daughter, and LOVED to party, and you didn’t want to meet a woman like that, even though she may be attractive, you probably wouldn’t have bothered with her had you known this beforehand. You save not only your time but hers as well.
You can “kill two birds with one stone”
Crossfit comes to mind as a perfect example of an activity where you can “kill two birds with one stone.” You can improve your overall strength and physique while potentially meeting a woman at the same time. Although I prefer to do strength training at the gym, I don’t think Crossfit is a bad idea. I certainly noticed from my brief experience with it that they are like a “close knit family.” They often go out to eat together and everyone seems to be close in general. And, even if you didn’t meet a woman directly at Crossfit, if you’re a friendly guy, it’s possible someone who goes to it has a single friend they could hook you up with. Now, it’s doesn’t necessarily have to be a fitness class you attend, in fact, it can be anything. It can be a cooking class, nighttime education, dance class, the list goes on…. You might be able to achieve a new skill and meet a woman you have something in common with at the same time. This leads me to the next point….
You have something in common with her
Seeing as I said you be pursuing women YOU are attracted to, another great thing about social circles is that not only are you physically attracted to her but she also shares similar world views and/or leads a similar lifestyle to you as well. It can tough to date someone who shares different world views and/or leads a different lifestyle than you. Perhaps you lead a very healthy and active lifestyle? Or, perhaps you’re of a particular religious denomination? Speaking of religious denominations, I used to go to church youth group a lot when I was in high school and it wasn’t uncommon for members of the group to date each other. Whatever it is you have in common, it makes things so much easier as your lifestyle/views already “gel.”
As I said, even though there’s lots of positives to a social circle, there’s no shortage of drawbacks to them either.
They change as you get older
If you’re past a certain age, chances are your social circle is not as good as it was when you were younger. I think it’s pretty obvious why this is, but some of the reasons for this include the following:
- Your previous “wingmen” are likely starting to drop out of the picture. Perhaps some of them got married or are in long-term relationships.
- As Paul Janka said in this podcast (which I recommend listening to if you haven’t had the chance to yet), your social circle is likely aging with you. Call me “politically incorrect” but I think as most men get older they prefer to date younger women. You may not have access to many younger women with your immediate group of friends.
- Perhaps some of your friends move away or perhaps you move away?
- Everyone (including yourself) is busy with work now and it’s hard to meet up.
Takes time to develop them
Like I said, as you get older, ironically, your “old” social circle is likely not that great. This may mean you want to develop a new one. Or, as I said, perhaps you’ve just moved and you’re trying to build a new one from scratch. There’s no doubt a new social circle could be exciting and give you access to new women. However, how long is this going take? When you’re not working, you probably have tons of stuff to get caught up. Plus, you no doubt have hobbies you enjoy pursuing that may or may not be helping you develop a new social circle. Be honest. How much time do you really have to “network” and such? Also, even if can manage to build up a social circle, what do you do in the meantime? Nothing? Wait it out in hopes of meeting a woman? With each day that passes, you’re only getting older.
Can take time to develop chemistry
Seeing as I said it takes time to develop a social circle, it can also take time to develop chemistry with a woman in a particular social circle as well. With social circles it’s a VERY, VERY, VERY bad idea to go about things in a direct manner. For example, boldly telling a girl at work that you think she’s attractive that you’ve never spoken to before is a terrible move. Yeah, sure, it may work the odd time but if she’s given you no reason to make such a move and it doesn’t work out, it can be VERY awkward afterwords and you may creep her out. Trust me, I’ve made some VERY socially uncoordinated approaches in the past and it’s not the best if it doesn’t work out well. Looking back, I somewhat wonder what I was thinking at times. So, having said that, it can take some time to get to know her a bit to see if you should make a move to begin with. This isn’t all bad as you don’t have to muster up the courage to ask her on a date right away. However, it can be bad as you may not see her very often. For example, if you know her through some some type of fitness class and one of you has a sporadic work schedule like shift work, you may only see her every second week. This could mean things may “heat up” and “cool off” all the time. The timing just never seem to be right.
Can put a lot of pressure on you
This is certainly a major drawback to meeting women through social circle. You can feel like it not only has to go perfect when you finally make the move but afterwords if things become more exclusive. There’s no doubt that there’s more pressure on you when you’re seeing a woman in your social circle as opposed to a woman you met more randomly. In a social circle, people know your business and want to know what’s up all the time. As anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows, not every day is good. However, seeing as everyone knows you’re official, you sometimes feel like you have put on this fake act since everyone is always asking you how things are going. Also, you can put a lot of pressure on yourself for the relationship to go “perfect” as things could be really awkward if the two of you were to breakup and you still had to see her all the time.
You really limit yourself
This has to be the worst part about relying on social circles. You are totally limiting yourself. Even with a good social circle, how many options do you really have? Yeah, sure, if you’re a celebrity or you own a mansion or something, you may have tons of social options but the average person likely doesn’t have that kind of setup. So, even though you may be able to meet women through a social circle, you’re often limiting yourself in the meantime as you could be meeting women online, at the bar, or through online dating.
Your social circle may not give you access to the best women
Perhaps due to your current social circle you don’t really meet the types of women you want to? Maybe there’s not many women you find attractive and/or women you’d like to meet? Perhaps you work in a male dominated job? Perhaps you go to a “meathead” gym, or perhaps the women in your immediate group of friends aren’t that great?
You’re totally leaving things to chance
When you rely on social circles to meet women, you’re really at the luck of the draw. Yeah, sure, you can meet great women, but you can also go long periods of time where you don’t meet a single woman as nothing is “opening up.” This is obviously bad as you may have things in place, you’d like to meet women, they’d like to meet you, but you don’t approach any women outside your social circle since you’re waiting for that “lucky break.” In fact, it’s very similar to the guys who are “throwing darts” at the gym and have no real plan. They too are relying on luck. Perhaps they do a back workout 2 days in a row and then don’t train back again for 2 weeks. Perhaps they eat 4,000 calories one day and then 1,500 the next day. They have no idea what they’re doing and are really just praying that something eventually works out.
Hopefully this post gave you a better understanding of the realities of social circles.
Also, keep in mind that with a social circle that you still need to be a quality guy to make things easier. I find it so silly when a guy is struggling to meet women and some “expert” pipes up and says, “Bro, just get a social circle. Problem solved.”
While social circles can great, don’t foolishly think that if you could just somehow join that “one group” that all your problems will be solved. You still need to be a quality guy. The last thing you want is to do is be considered the “slouch” of the group.
So, are social circles the best ways to meet women?
Well, I don’t know.
You tell me.
I think, in short, there’s no “best” place or way to meet women. The best place to meet women is a place where you put yourself in situations to meet the type of women you like.
This could be anywhere really.
Don’t limit yourself!