It’s certainly refreshing to switch things up from time to time. Although I will be doing plenty more articles, videos, and podcasts, I figured why not mix things up a bit and do an interview style post. In this particular interview, Aaron Sleazy joins me as we discuss not only women but also some other interesting topics that pertain to men. Due to the length of this interview, I have split it up into 3 separate posts.
Q. To start things off, in your opinion, do think in the current day and age we live in that meeting women has become easier or more difficult? I would like to hear your take on this in regards to both hookups and relationships.
A. This is a very good question, and a difficult one. My perception is that, due to the ongoing hookup culture and technological advances, think of Tinder, for instance, it seems to be getting a lot easier to meet women. However, an important qualifier is that this does not apply to all men equally. Instead, top-shelf men are getting a lot more attention and have it easier than ever before, while average guys may be even worse off these days.
Note that there is the illusion of ready availability of sexual partners, particularly for younger women. One of the most startling experiences I recently had was when I observed a slightly above average-looking woman swiping through Tinder on public transport. The speed at which her thumb moved was staggering. I had a hard time counting. In the end, she went through well over 100 profiles in a few minutes. Most she rejected immediately, and only the very best very good enough for her. Of course, this is just ananecdote, but it nicely illustrates the ever-exaggerating expectations women have. That particular woman may well reject virtually every guy on Tinder in her city, but since she wants to get dick every once in a while, she’ll agree to meet up with men she deems below her, or goes out the old-fashioned way. If she is lucky, she will get picked up by a guy out of her league who just wants to have an easy lay. Yet, she has virtually no chance of keeping such a guy around. In her twisted view on reality, since she sees so much dick getting thrown at her —every dude on Tinder is a potential suitor — she holds out for her Prince Charming who never comes. Sooner or later, though, she’ll realize that she cannot compete with women ten years younger anymore so she either adopts a cat or picks some beta male who cannot excite her at all and whom she will despise.
Now that we’ve talked about hookups, let’s move on to serious relationships. Frankly, it’s a disaster, due to the hypergamy of women and sexual liberation. You know about divorce rates. The problem is thus not so much that it’s impossible to find a woman for a relationship. For them there is no riks since they can rob you blind during divorce. However, as a rational guy you probably don’t want to marry just to get a divorce in a few years, so your big challenge is finding a trustworthy partner, and this is getting harder and harder. In fact, the experience you gain from picking up women may only be indirectly useful when it comes to picking a spouse. To just mention one aspect: in pickup, you normally go for women who turn you on and who are sexually available. After all, you want to get laid, not married. However, in a spouse you normally want some sexual restraint. But good luck with that, given all the societal encouragement of women to be “sluts”, as some women even proudly call themselves. It may be an unpopular opinion, but your best bet for a stable marriage is to pick a woman who leans towards the prudish side, has not seen a lot of the world, has not spent years getting fucked in every hole, is not overly competitive on the job, and so on and so forth. Since time travel has not been invented yet, you are better off getting a rock-solid prenup. Make sure her name is neither on your lease or your mortgage, and don’t have a shared bank account. In short, minimize the leverage she has over you as far as you can.
Q. From my observations/experiences this seems to hold true as well in regards to hookups and relationships. I also believe relationships are less common nowadays because of the careers some women are choosing and since they’re making just as much if not more money than men that they really don’t need them anymore unless they want kids. Some women seem to be “holding out” in hopes of meeting “Prince Charming” at a later time. I think it’s fine for women to have standards, just as men should as well, but there seems to be a level of delusion among some modern women. Here’s a couple interesting articles (http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/why-women-lose-the-dating-game-20120421-1xdn0 and https://danielmiessler.com/blog/the-dating-power-flip-at-age-30/). Although both are likely seen as “politically incorrect” by some, they ‘re actually quite true, in my opinion. Do you see this becoming more common in the future where women focus more on their careers and think they’ll still hit a prime guy in their 30’s and beyond?
I would not say that relationships are less common. However, successful long-term relationships certainly are becoming an increasingly rare phenomenon. Society shifting towards preferential treatment of women in the workplace is arguably one of the prime reasons of it. If the previous sentence may sound odd to you: government jobs are cushy, and women are vastly overrepresented in them. Further, in some countries job ads explicitly state that women are preferred over male applicants, like here in Germany. I have also seen this in Switzerland. Further, the higher education sector has been thoroughly feminized. In fact, in higher education, preference for women has become institutionalized. To give one particularly poignant example: there was a recent US study that showed that there is a vast preference for hiring female tenure track faculty, with a staggering 2:1 preference. (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4418903/).
It is safe to assume that women nowadays have quite a leg up compared to their male competition in the labor market. However, due to female hypergamy, i.e. the desire to marry up, most men are apparently no longer interesting as long-term partners. A complementary trend, though, is that men increasingly refuse to marry. Feminist traditions, like shaming spineless men into marrying single mothers and other undesirables, seem to have run its course.
Women certainly lose the dating game. In their late 20s the tables definitely turn. I wrote an article about this some time ago myself (http://aaronsleazy.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-biggest-dating-mistake-women-make.html). One of the points I wanted to highlight there was that you normally don’t go from zero to marriage in a couple of weeks. Instead, eligible men normally weigh their options. Let’s say 30-year old single Jane figures out that she is sick of the dating game, which, in other words, means that she can no longer handle the frustration that comes from having to compete with younger women. She therefore starts looking for a guy, but that won’t be so easy for her either. One guy dumping her after a year would be disastrous for her, considering her rapidly declining fertility and level of attractiveness. Maybe she’ll manage to get some guy by 35, maybe she won’t. In any case, she would have had it a lot easier had she started looking for a suitable husband in her early to mid-twenties.
In the end, it doesn’t really matter all that much why such women failed to get a guy while they were still in their prime years, be it partying, education, career, or an exaggerated view of themselves. The underlying cause, though, is commonly that they think they have as much time as men, which is a view that has been heavily promoted by feminism. It seems there is some backlash against feminism. In particular, many young women reject feminism, which was only to be expected, considering how utterly batshit insane that movement has become. It could therefore well be that young media-savvy women who read about the difficulties of women in their 30s decide to conduct their lives differently. I wager that most young girls are able to quickly figure out that a woman in her 30s who complains that there are “no good men left” or who tries to convince the world that mature women are as attractive as teenage girls has made some very big mistakes in her life.
Q. Seeing as I spent a fair bit of time meeting younger women as I already wrote about here, I most certainly noticed quite a difference in women past age 21ish -22. Women below age 21 were often immature, obsessed with “hot guys,” shopping, beauty products, and were real “boozehounds.” However, some of the women that were 21ish and above were ready for a serious commitment and had their future already planned out. As a result of this, it was quite common for them to be totally disgusted by men their own age. What’s your take on this?
A. “Disgusted” is probably too strong a word. However, it is certainly the case that young women who want to tie the knot look towards older men. In general, men are expected to be a few years older than their women anyway. One aspect that works heavily against guys in their early 20s is that they normally aren’t professionally established yet. Thus, a guy even in his mid-20s has quite a leg up compared to them.
Q. Right. In fact, on dating sites, it’s quite common for women have their profile set up so men have to be at least their age, and in many cases, several years older to even be eligible to message them. On Tinder, some very young women (22 and below) change their age on Facebook so their age on Tinder shows them as being older (sometimes quite a bit) in hopes of matching with older men. I’ve read before that generally a 4-5 year age difference (the man being 4-5 years older than the woman) is typically ideal for a healthy, long term relationship as both are “on the same page” from a maturity standpoint. However, I’m tempted to believe this gap is widening all the time. What’s your take on this?
A. In my view, guys should only consider entering a serious relationship once they are in their late 20s or early thirties. If you want to have children, then biology gives you some reasonable age ranges to work with. In your late 20s an age difference of 4 to 5 years is more or less the minimum. After all, you probably want to get to know her for a bit before you decide to marry her and have kids together. A woman who is in her late 20s herself is much less relaxed and will instead strongly push towards having kids as soon as possible, which is one reason why older women can be so unpleasant to be with. Broadly speaking, a 30 year-old guy is well-advised to look for women no older than 25. A guy in his mid-30s probably targets a similar age range anyway, which means that the age difference is about 10 years, which seems perfectly healthy to me. In your 40s, an age difference of 10 to 12 years is probably recommended. This goes back to the fact that women lose the dating game. A woman in her mid-30s simply does not bring much to the table anymore if you want to have kids. How is that even supposed to work out? 40-year old Joe Average meets 35 year-old Jane Plain, never found her all that attractive, but marries her after two years anyway due to lacking other options, and at the ripe old age of 38 Jane wants Joe to spend thousands on IVF? On a side note, several Western governments allow you to deduct costs for IFV from your taxes, which arguably is a consequence of pandering to the feminist agenda.
Q. I think with women advancing more at the workplace, in some cases making more money than men, more equal rights…
A. Yes, you can say again that women have “more equal” rights, not unlike in Orwell’s Animal Farm!
Q. Haha! True. Well, women really no longer need men for survival, so there is somewhat of a “reversal of roles” nowadays where the average woman is becoming more masculine and the average men becoming more feminine; younger men are becoming less and less appealing to them as they’ve often yet to find themselves. I think it’s definitely a confusing world for younger men and I sometimes wonder if some of them (especially ones without any real plan) are getting “left behind.” Can you share some thoughts on this?
A. I think this goes back to Western societies changing the entire educational system as well as the workplace in order to cater to women. Young boys used to play sports, climb trees and fight. Today, Timmy is put on Ritalin because he has no outlet left for his energy. Physical education is no longer offered by his school, mathematics has been turned into rote memorization, and he is forced to endure sessions on diversity training. Critical thinking, abstract reasoning, and physical exercise have been successively removed from the curriculum, which is not all that great for Timmy. It is well established that boys are different than girls — as if this was not obvious for anybody with half a brain. Leftist ideology, however, apparently largely does not acknowledge biological differences between the sexes, so the typical behavior of boys is seen as pathological and thus gets medicated. It only gets worse for Timmy: his father got replaced by an alimony check. At university he gets told that he is a rapist and responsible for the unbearable plight of women in Western society, and once he starts looking for work, he may realize that women are hired preferentially due to “policies”. He sees that all the women from his STEM course, even the very weak ones, get readily hired by companies because they are “minorities”. In short, I can readily understand when young men find it increasingly difficult to find themselves.
Q. Speaking of it being a different world out there for men, It’s certainly my belief that the average man is held to a much higher level of aesthetic appeal nowadays. I think “manscaping,” your physique, (No, I do not think the “dad bod” is a good look) grooming, and your style is more important than ever. For example, while a hairy chest may be have been seen as “masculine” at one point, to most women (especially younger ones) it’s just seen as a turn off now. I recall reading something before about Blackberry rapidly declining in growth whereas Apple was growing as they were listening to their customers and were willing to adjust to the current times. Blackberry apparently thought they built the phone that would stand the test of time but people’s needs changed over time and since they didn’t want to get with the times; whereas Apple was willing to change, Blackberry seen its empire collapse. I think the same principle applies with a man’s appearance these days. You can think of this as “gay” or “feminine” or you be like Apple and get with the times. Can you expand on this?
A. Chest hair, just like beard, may be individual preference. Some women like it, some don’t. In general, though, it can’t be denied that the modern man is supposed to be feminine. In the last few decades we saw the slow rise of “metrosexuals”, there were even TV shows promoting gay culture like “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”. There are still plenty of subcultures that were not affected by those trends, though, so I don’t think your observation is generally true. What is true, though, is that sometimes guys dismiss suggestions that would easily improve their level of success with women as — wait for it! — “gay”. Yoga is gay, paying $50 for a hair cut is gay, being toned is gay, wearing color-matched clothes is gay, having clothes that fit well is gay, and coloring your hair is of course gay as well. It is, quite honestly, no surprise that some men struggle severely with women.
To read part 2, click here.