Getting a girlfriend?
Did I read that correctly some of you are probably thinking?
In the current day and age we live in with hookups so readily available and the majority of men’s improvement sites shaming men for not “opening” every cute blonde that walks by in a tight skirt, getting a girlfriend seems to be taking more of a “backseat.”
Yeah, sure, the “wild nights” and random encounters can be fun, but in the end, a great girlfriend is generally the most fulfilling experience for men, in my opinion.
Although different guys will be at different stages of their lives and perhaps for some a girlfriend isn’t the number one concern at moment, it’s quite possible down the road that the goals may change, so this article may be beneficial at a later time.
Anyhow, without further ado, let’s dive right into some of the major benefits of getting a girlfriend:
Gives you someone to share experiences with
Part of her being your girlfriend is that aside from her being a lover she’s also a friend. A girlfriend gives you someone to share life experiences with and try new things. For example, you have someone to go on vacation with, someone to try new restaurants with, someone to watch/go to the movies with, someone to go a local sporting event with. The list goes on…..
Someone who has a general interest in your life
She cares about you and fulfills your emotional needs. As “alpha” as you may try and pretend you are, you still have emotional needs. Sure, as a man it’s likely not something you talk about with the boys but men still like having someone in their lives who is loving and caring. You have someone who’s there for you. She encourages you to ace that exam, crush that job interview, or get that promotion at work.
You get a great woman
Let’s get real here, most women you meet will not be a great choice for you. They may be sexy and fun “short term” but would make a really lousy partner. You need more than just looks if you want a good girlfriend.
Gets you experienced with relationships
Although the woman you are currently seeing may not end up being your future wife, getting a girlfriend helps you get used to being in a relationship. Don’t believe what you read on the internet, maintaining a relationship is MUCH tougher than getting random hookups. There’s so many different variables to them. There will be bad days and fights. One negative thing about getting good with women is that it can be easy to quickly move on at the first sign of “turbulence.” Although it’s no great to fight or have rough patches in a relationship, if you keep bouncing from woman to woman, as you get older, you really have no experience in a relationship and will likely have a hard time navigating through a rough patch. Also, getting in a relationship will help you get used to weekends away, spending the night together, sexual experience, going out to dinners together, and so on and so forth.
Guys in relationships or guys who are married generally tend to have more sex (assuming your partner’s sex drive matches yours). Some may argue with me on this but from my experiences (in a relationship anyways) it tends to hold true. If you’re just hooking up with random women, sometimes sex can be spaced out. Even if you’re good, there will be flakes and dry spells here and there where you can’t seem to do anything right. Also, sex with random women can feel pretty empty after a while. Sex with the same woman tends to be more passionate and you can be more “experimental.”
While there are certainly advantages to getting a girlfriend, one definitely needs to be cautious as to whom he chooses for a girlfriend. If you get the wrong girlfriend, life can be hell and you can have all kinds of extra stresses and problems you never had before. Have some standards and don’t date low quality women . ( In fact, I recommend staying single over dating a low quality women) Some qualities I find particularly bad in women are:
- Smoking- To me, smoking is beyond disgusting. Women who smoke will have bad breathe, smell terrible, and are destroying their health.
- Drug use of ANY kind- Some guys reading this may use drugs themselves (which I strongly advise against) but I’m not into women who use ANY types of drugs. I don’t even care for women who are “420 friendly.”
- Heavy drinking/excessive partying- Although it’s quite normal for women to go out for “drinks with the girls” from time to time, it’s terrible to date a real “boozehound” and “clubrat.” Be VERY weary of women who spend EVERY weekend at the club.
- Single moms- This is a personal preference of mind. I’m not saying you should necessarily cut her off if she’s a single mom as she may have just had a bad previous relationship and is a great woman but think about the things you will have to deal with. There most likely will be a dad involved and it will tough for you and her to do things at the drop of a hat. If you have things in place you can easily meet women who don’t have kids.
- Untrustworthy- This may not be as obvious right off the bat but if she does sketchy things and you catch her lying, and/or cheating….. move on!
- Terrible personality– A good personality is one of the most important qualities in a girlfriend. A bad one, however, and she’ll be your worst nightmare. A woman who constantly criticizes you, loses her cool for no reason, and is depressed/unhappy in general will take a real toll on your mental well being.
- Only seems interested in you because of your money– Now, there’s no doubt having more money will make you more appealing to women. However, be cautious about this. If it seems she’s only interested in you because of your cash, move on! You’re better off without her.
The above are my own personal preferences and some apply less to you than others but make sure you have standards.
Also, keep in mind that relationships takes a lot of time and effort. If you’re a busy guy you may find it hard to keep up with things.
Anyhow, now that we’ve discussed all that, let’s look at some of the best ways to get a girlfriend:
Be the kind of man women want to meet
You really need to make sure that YOU are on top of things. This would mean being in shape, well dressed, well groomed, and at least working on your career if you’re not there yet. Although different men have different genetic limitations, improving what you can will definitely make things easier.
You really need to put yourself out there
In the article, 3 Questions, I posed the question, “How many chances are you actually giving yourself?” You won’t meet too many women if you spend all your free time in your apartment alone.
Be open to meeting women in the least thought of places
It’s often easy to think of social circles as the best way to meet women. While they can be great, they’re not without drawbacks. Not only do you limit yourself to a small amount of women, you can also go long periods of time without meeting anyone since “nothing’s opening up.” Although bars/clubs and certain dating apps may not be thought of as the best ways to meet a potential girlfriend, be open to it. You really never know where you might find a great women.
Don’t be too picky
While I definitely believe you should have standards, don’t be too picky when it comes to her looks. I’m not saying you should go for women you’re not attracted to but don’t drop a “7” who is a good catch cause you think a supermodel is around the corner. Could you do better? Probably. Thing is, she probably could too.
Relax when you meet a quality woman
I know, they’re few and far between but relax when you do meet a quality woman. It’s often easy to start planning your wedding before you even know as much as her last name. I know the feeling. I’ve been there myself. It can be easier said than done. You go on a date with a woman who not only is beautiful but she has a great job, great personality, leads a clean lifestyle, and you both have a lot in common, it’s often easy to get “too excited.” Just keep your cool here. Also, keep in mind that most people put their best foot forward on the first few dates. She may leak something later on that will totally turn you off. Don’t assume she’s “perfect” right away. You’ll just set yourself up for disappointment. Plus, you’ll feel too much pressure as you’ll think you can’t “screw anything up.”
Now, assuming that you’ve had a date or two, you may be wondering, how do I make her my girlfriend/when does it become official?
Well, that’s a good question and one that needs some detail.
I think the best advice I can give here is continue to see her when you get the chance and she is available while still pursuing your hobbies and goals. (I think a mistake some men make is they stop pursuing their goals and hobbies when they meet a great woman)
Just continue seeing her and assumes she likes you if she continues seeing you. Don’t ask her if she likes you.
Don’t ever ask a woman something like,
“Do you like me?”
That will almost certainly make her run.
Now, one great thing about being a quality guys is that SHE will almost certainly mention something about the two of you likely by about 15 dates in/2 months MAX. If you sleep with her quickly, she’ll likely mention something about it very quickly. Don’t be surprised if she says something like,“What’s going on between us?” It’s okay to admit you’re open to a relationship and accept if she makes an offer for the both of you to become official. Don’t start fooling around and play really hard to get.
Having said that, if she makes an offer and you really don’t want a girlfriend, it’s best to be honest. I think it’s a bad idea to lead her on if you’re not interested and basically just want to get laid. Also, I think it’s a bad idea to cheat. I think it can cause all sort of problems down the road and can cause you to be immoral. Like I said, if you don’t want a girlfriend, don’t get one. Also, realize that there will be other women interested in you if you’re taking care of yourself. It’s only normal for women to be interested in a quality guy like yourself.
Now, assuming you see her for 15 dates/2 months and she doesn’t mention anything about the relationship, it’s okay for you to mention something about this. This is especially true if she makes statements about the two of you doing things down the road saying things like, “We should go camping this summer” or “Next month we should head to (insert tourist destination).”
It can be something as basic as, “It’s been nice spending time with you and I’m open to us being exclusive.”
There’s 2 reasons why this is good:
- She’s glad you mentioned it and wants the same thing but was too shy to ask about it. Also, she may really like and doesn’t want to “scare you off” by appearing too eager too early on.
- She doesn’t want a relationship and it lets you know. This is good as you can move on and try find another woman who does want a relationship.
After 15 dates you probably hit a few “milestones” anyways. You likely had her over a few times, she may have stayed at your place, you may have stayed at her place, you probably went out to eat, she may, possibly the two of you spent a weekend away, you may have met her friends/possibly her family.
Get out there, meet some women, and have some fun. If a date or two goes bad, don’t sweat it. Also, if things go sour after several dates with the same woman, don’t get too stressed out about this either. It probably wasn’t meant to be. Assuming you have things in place you can get back out there again rather quickly. Also, keep in mind that as a man you have the option to get back out there and make a move again. Like I said, have some fun, play things cool, and if the right woman comes along, well, congrats, friend!