Q. This is slightly off topic and perhaps doesn’t “flow” so well with the Q and A thus far, but I was curious about an article you wrote titled, “Why cold approaching is pretty much useless.” Although a rather old post by you, it certainly has generated you some page views and comments over the years. The reason I ask about this particular article is because 2 separate guys emailed me privately about it since I wrote an article about cold approach speaking about it rather positively and they wondered how we could share such different views on it. (possibly because of the shout out you gave me)
A. Let me just add here that it is of course possible to respect someone’s opinion without being in agreement with it, so I have a hard time even grasping the logic behind that statement. We are not talking about the laws of nature, after all, but about experiences. Some people, like most pickup gurus — may they rest in peace — presented inconsistent if not downright absurd principles based on fantasy. On the other hand, there are plenty of people who arrive at sound and coherent advice based on experience. Of course, due to different biographical background and personalities, they may draw different conclusions.
Q. I think for starters, even though I’ve very thankful for the shout out, we really have no affiliation so we’re both free to write about whatever we want to write about. Also, different people will have different experiences in life. However, after reading your article on cold approach, I didn’t so much get the idea that you were discouraging guys from EVER cold approaching, it was just more so in a non “spammy” kind of way where the guy isn’t focused on “opening 100 sets per week” and just does it here and there during the run of the day.
A. Yes, exactly. If you go about your day, and, say you happen to come across a woman who seems interested in you, for instance because she makes eye contact and gives you a warm smile. As a consequence, you may return from your grocery shopping with a phone number that could lead to a date or more. This is a perfectly fine way to integrate “day game” into your normal life. On the other hand, taking a big chunk of time out of your life in order to randomly approach women is downright ridiculous. Take into account that if you randomly approach women during the day the odds are dramatically stacked against you. Not only is she probably busy. She may not even be available, and you know virtually nothing about her. Any commonalities you can only assume, whereas a smart “gamer” would instead selectively attend events to make sure there will be at least a baseline compatibility. Further, sexual availability is hardly given either. Compare this to, say, picking up women on a dance class, where she showed up with a girlfriend. True, she may have a boyfriend, but it’s not all that likely.
Q. I’ve always stressed the importance of looking your best and if you look your best while out in public, it’s hard for single women (even taken ones) not to look your way. If you’re getting strong eye contact from a woman during your day to day activities, you’re single, and you don’t act on this, you will let a lot of women slip away who WERE interested. It’s definitely tough to do at first, but I think cold approaching (although more of a “warm approach” as she’s signaling you on) can be effective in this scenario when you get “the look.”
A. That’s exactly what I was aiming at. If you don’t even get a subtle signal, which clueless guys would miss anyway, you don’t need to even bother approaching. The PUA virgin response to that is that if she is a super hot chick and you don’t approach her, you may never know whether she was into you. Well, buster, if you have to actively go out and randomly approach women you are by definition not very attractive. Guys who are desired by women get plenty of signals, most of which will of course be subtle or even conflicting. However, they do not need to bother “cold approaching” women who show absolutely no sign of interest.
Q. Lastly, part of the reason I think “daygame” gets such a bad rap is because of all the dorky models. You’ll often see foolishness like “Advanced daygame models” with literally 20 steps you supposedly need to go through. This is total hogwash and in my opinion and only confuses the student. Most of them are nervous enough as it is and the last thing they need is the added pressure of remembering if they’re suppose to be on “step 18” or “step 19.” As I’m sure you’d agree, you just need to talk to women like a NORMAL human being and forget all the mental masturbation about being “alpha,” “getting in state,” and “holding your frame.” Sadly, some guys think that somehow they can make up for areas they’re lacking in by giving off this phony macho act. If you really want to “up your game” you’d be better off making your teeth more white, losing a few lbs, getting some better clothes, or anything that will improve your physical appearance. This will make you WAY more appealing to women. Any additional thoughts on this?
A. In the end it’s primarily about looks, status, and money. If you are severely lacking in any of these areas, you may get the occasional drunk one-night stand, if you are lucky, but that will be about it. The entire idea of “game” almost sounds like a cruel joke that is played on unsuspecting men. The problem is that you cannot “emulate alpha behavior”. If you are a loser in life, you will find it extremely difficult to convince anybody that you are not. That’s really all there is to it. However, what certainly is the case is that some men are unaware of their own sexual market value. This not at all uncommon among the more introverted or those who have had a sheltered upbringing. Those guys can (and do!) benefit tremendously from simply working on their foundation, as I like to call it. Just to look back at my own development: I grew up in a very sheltered environment, never was very much interested in socializing because I found such great joy in various intellectual pursuits, but at one point in my mid-20s I thought I should try out this “women thing” at least once and see whether I like it. All it took was getting a new set of clothes, a friend introducing me to London night life, and me learning not to fuck it up when a girl I liked was interested in me. After a short few months I had gotten really good at getting girls, but it was not because I had to learn “game”. Picking up women is completely natural. After all, she wants it to happen, too. If she doesn’t, then she simply isn’t that interested in you, but you may still get her if you are persistent enough, i.e. you use “game”, and nobody better comes along.
Q. Can we expect any new books anytime soon? Also, any future plans that you may want people to be aware of? And finally, thank you very much for taking time to answer these questions.
A. You’re welcome. The “Aaron Sleazy” persona is just a hobby of mine, and sadly one I have not had a lot of time for in recent years. In fact, I am amazed that I was able to release three proper books (Sleazy Stories, Minimal Game,Club Game), plus one translation (Sleazy Stories was translated to German), plus one ebook (“Debunking the Seduction Community”), by consistently working a little bit on them whenever I had some time. I have no intention of stopping. One issue is that I am not entirely happy with the name “Aaron Sleazy”. “Sleazy” was fine as a pseudonym for posting on forums, and for my first book, Sleazy Stories, but even for my second book, Minimal Game, it didn’t seem fully appropriate anymore. Roughly, my plans are therefore to keep the “Aaron Sleazy” persona around, but take on a new persona with a more serious ring to it. The first book to be released using that persona will be an introduction to Zen meditation, with a similar no-nonsense approach. If you think that there is a lot of bullshit in “game”, you should check out the spirituality corner of the Internet. I have been meditating for more than half my life, so I consider myself well-positioned to distill my experience and give some guidance to people with an interest in Zen meditation. This book is roughly 90% complete, and should be out later this year. There is more in the pipeline for “Aaron Sleazy” too. First, “Club Game” will see a Kindle release later this year. Then, I am sitting on about 50 “lay reports”, which took place in roughly 9 months after the conclusion of Sleazy Stories. I would like to take a selection of those and bundle them into another book. I will move on to this book after the release of my book on meditation. Lastly, a book on relationships is in a very early stage. I’m looking forward to devoting more time on it, once the other two books I just mentioned are out.
I hope everyone enjoyed this interview.
Also, if you want to know more about Aaron Sleazy, make sure you check him out at http://aaronsleazy.com/v2/. You’ll notice on his site that he has several books and offers some services for those who are in need of some help. He also has a blog on a separate domain at http://aaronsleazy.blogspot.com/.