When it comes to women and dating, you’ll only get so “good.”
Most guys never consciously think about this, but it’s true.
Before we get started on this “good” thingy, for starters, what is consider “good” to begin with?
Well, it depends on who you ask.
For some guys, being good may be the ability to hook up with a lot of random women. For others, good may be considered getting a quality girlfriend and eventually getting married and having kids.
I’m well aware that being “good” by most standards (pickup ones anyways) is generally related to how many women you can hook up with between the ages of roughly 18-23ish. Women tend to be more in the prime of their looks at a much younger age than men. If you’re past a certain age (35+), not only will have a more difficult getting these women to begin with, you likely won’t have much in common with them either if they’re not very mature.
Anyhow, back to the original thought that when it comes to women that you’ll only get so good. Some guys have the belief that they’ll someday hit a “level” where they no longer have any problems with women. They won’t’ get flaked on anymore, they’ll never have another bad date, they won’t get rejected, heartbroken, and they’ll never have another disagreement with a woman. Wouldn’t it be great if such a “level” existed? Even the best looking guys with the most to offer will still encounter failures and disappointments with women.
I think it’s normal for men to have a period in their life when they try to get “good,” or at least better with women. I know this was certainly the case for me when it came to cold approaching during the day. I was obsessed with it at one point and devoted almost 4 months to it in my free time. Like most people that try it out, the first few times out you often just wander around and do no approaches. After about 2 months into it, though, I went from being barely able to have a conversation to being able to get a woman from the mall hop in my car after knowing her for only 5-10 minutes prior (I only tried this twice but ironically went 2 for 2). Although I spent almost 4 months exclusively trying to meet women during the day, after 2 months, I was as good as I was ever going to be. After that I was purely playing the numbers game.
Speaking of cold approach, generally speaking, one’s “skill” is often measure by how good they are at cold approach. Although I tend to refer to daytime approaching as cold approach, bars/clubs are considered cold approach as well. As I said, cold approach is generally considered the “gold standard.” Have you ever seen an infield titled, “Dating coach caught on film number closing a girl from his immediate social circle”? Of course not. So, in other words, results tend to be focused around who apparently does the best with cold approach, whether it be during the day or at bars or clubs.
No doubt you’d heard people claim titles before like, “the world’s top seduction coach” Generally speaking, the guys who claim this aren’t even close to being elite in the looks department so it’s a bit puzzling to hear as looks play a HUGE factor in regards to success with cold approach. Let me put this into better perspective for you. About a month ago, I had a student doing on the job training with me. He was 22, about 6’4, had an athletic build, and could likely have done some modeling if he wanted to. If you were to stick this guy on a busy street and get him to drop a few, “Hey, what’s up? What do you do? Want to grab a drink later on?”, he would clean up. Would that not make him the “top seduction coach?”
Now, I’ve heard the “rebuttal” before from the “top seduction coaches” when presented with such scenarios. Their response is generally along the lines of, “When I said I was the top seduction coach, I didn’t mean in terms of results, I meant the best in terms of mastering the art of game.” (Yes, I did actually see a dating coach write that before)
If you’re technically not the best in terms of results, how can you claim to be the best?
Let me put this into better perspective for you. Take the NBA, for example. At the moment, Steph Curry is without a doubt the best point guard in the league. He’s on a totally different level. Yeah, sure, there’s other good point guards, too, but at the moment, he’s the best.
How silly would it be for someone to argue something like, “Well, if player x had Steph Curry’s 3 point jump shot and athleticism, he’d be just as good as Steph Curry.” How true. However, the fact that player x doesn’t have the skills of Steph Curry means he isn’t as good as him.
Although you can place the rank of “best point guard in the league at the moment” on someone, it’s a bit more difficult to gauge who is the “best” with women. There’s so many variables involved, such as where you live, your age, the women’s age you’re pursuing, your physical appearance, your finances, etc., etc.
I feel like I’ve had success with women over the years, but it would be foolish for me to claim to be the best. There’s no one who can truly make such a claim.
There’s no doubt genetics can limit your potential and this why I constantly encourage guys to be the best they can with what they have. Yeah, I get it, if you were 3 inches taller or had more hair you would do better with women, but, you’re not. Is there anything you can do to at least improve YOUR chances? I think it’s a bad idea to constantly compare yourself to others.
I think a lot guys in general would be surprised at how quick they actually get good when they have things in place. Now, it may take some time, hard work, and discipline to get those things in place, but once they are in place, you’ll likely find women who are an option respond quite favorably to you.
For some guys, it’s not so much having things in place that’s the problem, it’s making sure women know they exist and putting themselves out there. I recall a couple years ago talking with a former coworker of mine about a guy he knew who recently graduated as a pharmacist. Apparently the guy had no life in university and spent all his time studying. I did see a pic of the guy and he’s quite good looking. Now although I know nothing about the guy, if he was previously not that interested in women due to his studies but now wanted to meet some, he most likely wouldn’t have any difficulty so and would get good rather quickly. ( hint: being a pharmacist is kind of a turn on)
Although there’s no particular “level” you will ever reach, I think there are some signs you’ll notice when you’re as good as you’re ever going to be:
- You can talk to basically any woman you’re attracted to. Yeah, sure, you may fumble the odd time, but, generally speaking, you can speak to any woman in a relaxed manner no matter how attractive she is.
- You know it’s not a fluke. Early on, men with little experience around women will often feel like they won the lottery. They’re not sure if they truly deserve the woman and feel like they may never get another opportunity again.
- You’re relaxed. You can just “be yourself” and know that it’s more than enough.
- Dating is actually fun. You don’t panic if you hit a bad date here and there as you know you there’s other women interested in you.
- You respect yourself. You no longer tolerate bad behavior from women no matter how attractive they are. It can be tough to do, but when a woman treats you poorly and you know you have other options, you’ll move on. I did just that when I spoke of “Becky” in my younger women article. When she showed up at my place drunk at 2:30 in the morning and caused a scene, it did not sit well with me. A friend even said I was foolish for not wanting to see her again since she was so hot, but I had enough.
- You can sense when women are interested. This can mean various things, but I’ll use daytime approaching as an example. Even though I stopped setting aside time to actually do this after a certain point, I would still do the odd approach here and there when I sensed it was “go time.” Some women make it incredibly obvious when they’re interested with their eyes and body language. If you can spot this you’re set. If not, you’re passing up on women who attracted to you.
- You know when to move on from women who are clearly NOT interested. This can save lots of time and frustration.
There will never be such a thing as a level you achieve where you no longer have failures and only successes with women. Improve what you can and put your best foot forward. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re probably not as bad as you think.